Navigating Cancer (#972) | The God Journey

When I first became ill, I often felt the same. I felt the need to make sure that others knew how active and healthy I was before my illness, that they knew of my academic prowess and how much sport I played. Ashamedly, I realise now that I was underlining that I was “not the usual sort of person who gets ill”, which of course is a disgusting fallacy (there is no ‘sort’ of person who becomes ill). It distanced me from illness, which is regarded as pathetic, weak and inferior. I did not want to be seen as pathetic, weak or inferior.

I wonder if we subconsciously use our former vigour to contrast and separate ourselves from the people who made unhealthy lifestyle choices before they got ill or who were lazy. But this divides ill people into two categories of ‘the deserving ill’ and ‘the undeserving ill’, which is plainly wrong and problematic.

I’ve found it common among people who have become ill or disabled to feel like we have to prove that we were doing all the “right” things and living healthily before we became ill so that nobody thinks that the illness is our fault or blames us for getting ill. This defensiveness is understandable amidst the cruel circumstances of illness in which we find ourselves and considering the attitudes of others towards us that we come up against while ill, but we must learn to recognise our own internalised ableism in it too.

It should go without saying that it’s awful for anyone to become ill, regardless of how active or inactive they were before their illness. It is not anyone’s fault. You can be living a healthy and active life, yet still become ill. Lots of healthy people don’t want to believe this because it is scary. They don’t like to think that it can happen to them, even if they are making all the right, healthy choices. But that’s the truth of it. There are lots of people who do not exercise and who eat unhealthily but yet are completely healthy and never become seriously ill. That’s the unfairness of life for you.

These attitudes show up even with regard to not-so-serious illnesses like colds or regular flu. I hear people say with pride “I never get ill” or “I’ve never taken a day off work because of illness”. I’m ashamed to say that I used to be one of those people before I became seriously ill 20 years ago. It is a subtle form of ableism because instead of viewing health/ill-health as chance (or “luck”), it implies a superiority on behalf of the person speaking and suggests that they think that succumbing to illness to be a weakness of character. The person saying these things thinks that they are better and tougher than Those People who do get ill or who do take days off work when they get a cold/flu. I used to be proud of being tough and was impressed with other people who acted similarly. We live and learn!

It is actually more selfish to “push through” a cold/flu by going to work because you just spread it to your colleagues, causing them to suffer.

I think that it’s important that we challenge ourselves to combat the ableism in our own thinking, in all its ugliness, which we have gradually absorbed and internalised throughout our lives. It is important because how we view illness determines how we value those who are ill and whether we care about what happens to them. Do some people think that ill people’s lives are worth less than healthy people’s lives? Do they start viewing ill people as Other, as not like them? Do they start to view us as only worthy of pity or to view our situation as tragic, instead of seeing us as a full person?

Of late, it seems that the general public’s attitude towards the ill and disabled has hardened. Many people now think that, no matter how debilitated, everyone should be able to be self-sufficient and look after themselves, without help. They do not realise the privilege that being able-bodied affords them. They do not consider how they would like to be treated if they were to become so ill or disabled that they were unable to work or look after themselves. It could easily happen to anyone. This very much follows on from your conversation on just-ness towards each other and treating others as you’d want to be treated.

This is why I think that it’s so important to recognise and understand ableism. Understanding these issues begets empathy and compassion; not understanding them begets fear, resentment and hatred.

In this world, people are generally valued for what they do, not for who they are. Many regard the segment of the ill/disabled population who aren’t able to do anything as worthless, instead of treasured and valued for who they are. Similarly, lots of Christians treat God as only valuable for what he can do for them, not treasured for who he is, for his nature. Sick people and God are vulnerable in that same way; will we both still be loved when we don’t do anything but just are? As in, will people still love God when he doesn’t do what they want?

God directly aligns himself with ill people in Matthew 25:35-36 (‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me’). He also becomes us, suffering as one with us in those ways, because he lives inside us. Therefore how others treat us when we are sick, at the same time they are treating God that way. What they do to us, they do to God. (Matthew 25:40 ‘The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”’ And then in verse 45 ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’). It follows that we would naturally want to treat the sick and disabled in the same way and with the same love, respect, honour, generosity and abundance that we would treat God.

There is no superior or inferior; the able-bodied caregiver and the one receiving care both give and receive love. There is no power imbalance. No ‘weak’ and ‘strong’.

4 Comments

Jenny Rowbory says:
1/24/2025 at 10:29 am , Reply
When I first became ill, I often felt the same. I felt the need to make sure that others knew how active and healthy I was before my illness, that they knew of my academic prowess and how much sport I played. Ashamedly, I realise now that I was underlining that I was “not the usual sort of person who gets ill”, which of course is a disgusting fallacy (there is no ‘sort’ of person who becomes ill). It distanced me from illness, which is regarded as pathetic, weak and inferior. I did not want to be seen as pathetic, weak or inferior.
I wonder if we subconsciously use our former vigour to contrast and separate ourselves from the people who made unhealthy lifestyle choices before they got ill or who were lazy. But this divides ill people into two categories of ‘the deserving ill’ and ‘the undeserving ill’, which is plainly wrong and problematic.
I’ve found it common among people who have become ill or disabled to feel like we have to prove that we were doing all the “right” things and living healthily before we became ill so that nobody thinks that the illness is our fault or blames us for getting ill. This defensiveness is understandable amidst the cruel circumstances of illness in which we find ourselves and considering the attitudes of others towards us that we come up against while ill, but we must learn to recognise our own internalised ableism in it too.
It should go without saying that it’s awful for anyone to become ill, regardless of how active or inactive they were before their illness. It is not anyone’s fault. You can be living a healthy and active life, yet still become ill. Lots of healthy people don’t want to believe this because it is scary. They don’t like to think that it can happen to them, even if they are making all the right, healthy choices. But that’s the truth of it. There are lots of people who do not exercise and who eat unhealthily but yet are completely healthy and never become seriously ill. That’s the unfairness of life for you.
These attitudes show up even with regard to not-so-serious illnesses like colds or regular flu. I hear people say with pride “I never get ill” or “I’ve never taken a day off work because of illness”. I’m ashamed to say that I used to be one of those people before I became seriously ill 20 years ago. It is a subtle form of ableism because instead of viewing health/ill-health as chance (or “luck”), it implies a superiority on behalf of the person speaking and suggests that they think that succumbing to illness to be a weakness of character. The person saying these things thinks that they are better and tougher than Those People who do get ill or who do take days off work when they get a cold/flu. I used to be proud of being tough and was impressed with other people who acted similarly. We live and learn!
It is actually more selfish to “push through” a cold/flu by going to work because you just spread it to your colleagues, causing them to suffer.
I think that it’s important that we challenge ourselves to combat the ableism in our own thinking, in all its ugliness, which we have gradually absorbed and internalised throughout our lives. It is important because how we view illness determines how we value those who are ill and whether we care about what happens to them. Do some people think that ill people’s lives are worth less than healthy people’s lives? Do they start viewing ill people as Other, as not like them? Do they start to view us as only worthy of pity or to view our situation as tragic, instead of seeing us as a full person?
Of late, it seems that the general public’s attitude towards the ill and disabled has hardened. Many people now think that, no matter how debilitated, everyone should be able to be self-sufficient and look after themselves, without help. They do not realise the privilege that being able-bodied affords them. They do not consider how they would like to be treated if they were to become so ill or disabled that they were unable to work or look after themselves. It could easily happen to anyone. This very much follows on from your conversation on just-ness towards each other and treating others as you’d want to be treated.
This is why I think that it’s so important to recognise and understand ableism. Understanding these issues begets empathy and compassion; not understanding them begets fear, resentment and hatred.
In this world, people are generally valued for what they do, not for who they are. Many regard the segment of the ill/disabled population who aren’t able to do anything as worthless, instead of treasured and valued for who they are. Similarly, lots of Christians treat God as only valuable for what he can do for them, not treasured for who he is, for his nature. Sick people and God are vulnerable in that same way; will we both still be loved when we don’t do anything but just are? As in, will people still love God when he doesn’t do what they want?
God directly aligns himself with ill people in Matthew 25:35-36 (‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me’). He also becomes us, suffering as one with us in those ways, because he lives inside us. Therefore how others treat us when we are sick, at the same time they are treating God that way. What they do to us, they do to God. (Matthew 25:40 ‘The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”’ And then in verse 45 ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’). It follows that we would naturally want to treat the sick and disabled in the same way and with the same love, respect, honour, generosity and abundance that we would treat God.
There is no superior or inferior; the able-bodied caregiver and the one receiving care both give and receive love. There is no power imbalance. No ‘weak’ and ‘strong’.
The God Journey says:
1/24/2025 at 2:07 pm , Reply
Thanks, Jenny, for your contribution here. As someone who knows it from both sides, your comments and observations are powerful. I know it’s a long comment, but I hope people will take the time to read it and let your words soak in. They are wonderfully profound but tragic that they have to be said, especially for those who are able-bodied. Blessings to you and your journey. You’re never far from my thoughts and prayers.
Sue says:
1/25/2025 at 4:06 am , Reply
Thank you Jenny for your insights. You are given a place of authenticity and your words resonate b/c you live this out. In my own health discouragement, you provide words that ring true. Sending you an e-hug from Canada. Sue
Jenny Rowbory says:
1/25/2025 at 6:37 am , Reply
Thanks, Wayne. I really appreciated this conversation between you and Kyle.
Thanks, Sue, for your kind words in the comment above.

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