Jul 19, 2024

A Tender Heart in an Angry World (#951)

If God is watching your back, then you don't have to, and that will free you to live with a tender heart in a fractured world. What begins with a conversation about last weekend's assassination attempt on former president Donald Trump soon turns to a conversation about living in the power of tenderness when it doesn't seem to work in the violence and dishonesty of our angry culture. Kyle questions Wayne about chapter seven of his new book, which is being posted chapter by chapter at Lifestream.org. What did Jesus mean when he said the meek will inherit the earth? When we stop seeing meekness as weakness, we can learn the secret of living tenderhearted without being a doormat for the abuse of others.

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Kyle,
My wife and I just cringed when we heard the “proposed method to address your little girl”. You, your wife, and your youngest daughter and by default, your oldest daughter have just gone through some pretty hard stuff. The side affect of this was that you and your wife lavished your care and affection onto your youngest daughter and it appears that perhaps your oldest daughter feels that she has “lost her value” in the eyes of her parents. Consider this… Her sudden lashing out, has a root to it, that cannot get resolved by pushing her aside to her room or corner, no matter how you couch the “discipline” allowing her to just stew in that bubble of anger. She is not able to on her own (as few adults are even able to), navigate the “why” of her bubbling anger, and would benefit from you and your wife doing just the opposite of what your daughter has just lived through, by purposing your time to focus on her. At this point, acknowledging her wound which is showing up as anger is the best thing for you to do for her sake. To her it is valid, to you it just seems rude or out of context to the family dynamics. Spend intimate one-on-one time with her, taking walks, doing what she wants to do with each of you one-on-one, most of all allowing her to talk, and help her feel “Safe” and “Loved”, and “Valued”, again, in your eyes. By doing this, she will relax and feel safe to start exploring her feelings, and discover what the root issue is. Ask her about what she is feeling and “Listen” to her heart. Remember, that children who are left to themselves to address a deep feeling of rejection, leading to anger, will turn to others to validate their anger and rejection, and look for someone to replace that void as soon as they are able to, which will leave the parent wondering “when did things go so wrong”.. You love your daughters, and I’m sure that thought should scare you enough to say, “Wait!”, I can affect this now, and not allow it to come to further distancing from us. We know it is tough raising kids, its not for the faint of heart, and the right thing to do is always, dig into their hearts, rather than crush them by ignoring or not validating their feelings when they have come to the point of boiling over into the family.

Jonah 4: 1-11 How our Abba did this.

4 Comments

Phil says:
7/20/2024 at 9:46 am ,
Kyle,
My wife and I just cringed when we heard the “proposed method to address your little girl”. You, your wife, and your youngest daughter and by default, your oldest daughter have just gone through some pretty hard stuff. The side affect of this was that you and your wife lavished your care and affection onto your youngest daughter and it appears that perhaps your oldest daughter feels that she has “lost her value” in the eyes of her parents. Consider this… Her sudden lashing out, has a root to it, that cannot get resolved by pushing her aside to her room or corner, no matter how you couch the “discipline” allowing her to just stew in that bubble of anger. She is not able to on her own (as few adults are even able to), navigate the “why” of her bubbling anger, and would benefit from you and your wife doing just the opposite of what your daughter has just lived through, by purposing your time to focus on her. At this point, acknowledging her wound which is showing up as anger is the best thing for you to do for her sake. To her it is valid, to you it just seems rude or out of context to the family dynamics. Spend intimate one-on-one time with her, taking walks, doing what she wants to do with each of you one-on-one, most of all allowing her to talk, and help her feel “Safe” and “Loved”, and “Valued”, again, in your eyes. By doing this, she will relax and feel safe to start exploring her feelings, and discover what the root issue is. Ask her about what she is feeling and “Listen” to her heart. Remember, that children who are left to themselves to address a deep feeling of rejection, leading to anger, will turn to others to validate their anger and rejection, and look for someone to replace that void as soon as they are able to, which will leave the parent wondering “when did things go so wrong”.. You love your daughters, and I’m sure that thought should scare you enough to say, “Wait!”, I can affect this now, and not allow it to come to further distancing from us. We know it is tough raising kids, its not for the faint of heart, and the right thing to do is always, dig into their hearts, rather than crush them by ignoring or not validating their feelings when they have come to the point of boiling over into the family.
Jonah 4: 1-11 How our Abba did this.
John says:
7/21/2024 at 1:34 am ,
Protection of the divine elect? Then the protectors were asleep on the job when compared to Jamie Winship’s experience in Asia.
Pete Denning says:
7/28/2024 at 5:11 am ,
I appreciated much what was shared above and am so grateful God helped both Candy and I, each in the midst of our own darkness and brokenness of our relationship, to come along side our two boys in THEIR own way, during that 10 years (5-14 yrs old).
He helped us both want to shield them from our disfunctionality during that time…and helped us pour personal time into them individually thru those years til the the LORD brought healing to our relationship just bfr they entered HS. God is so kind.
Pete denning says:
7/28/2024 at 8:53 am ,
I should correct a statement I made, in response to Phil’s reply.
I mentioned about Candys and my ‘dysfunction’ …
It was truly MY dysfunction (un Christ likeness) and not hers, but it was her Trauma she was trying to deal with, that I was so oblivious to, during those years. But I thank God fr His healing kindness.

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