Redeeming Love: What Sara Faced (#855)

For the past thirteen weeks, Wayne and Sara have been on the strangest of journeys, that put Sara's life and their marriage at risk. Fortunately, what the enemy intended for evil has turned into a marvelous story of redemption and healing. This week, Sara joins us to share what she was going through that led up to some painful decisions she felt forced to make. This podcast is intensely personal and could also trigger some pain for those who have suffered trauma. But in the end, it is a story of hope and healing and a testimony to God's unrelenting work to bind up the broken-hearted and lead them into his freedom.

Podcast Notes:
Previous podcasts with Sara - Learning Love More Deeply (2012)  •  Finding Our Way to Us (2020)  •  Finding Our Way to Us Part 2 (2020)
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
Try Softer by Aundi Kolber
Being Known Podcast with Curt Thompson, MD - Season 4 is about unpacking trauma
Helpful video:  How to Find a Therapist
The next gathering of the Jake Colsen Book Club will be held Sunday, July 24 at 1:00 pm PDT.  You'll have to work that out in your own time zone. We will be covering Chapter 4 on why accountability will not transform you.  You can get a link to the Zoom Room by emailing Wayne and asking for it the week before.

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13 Comments

  2. I can’t decide whether to keep listening or run and put my head in the sand. Last week brought up so many emotions as if this were happening to my own family. I couldn’t imagine the pain hitting more close to home. After this week it truly feels like I have been transported in a past that could bury me. Sara you are not alone. Thank you for sharing.

    • We understand, Janice. Some of this can be triggering to other people. Make sure you have the support around you to navigate these waters if you keep listening, whether that’s a good, mature friend or a counselor. Trust your body when it tells you to stop listening or encourages you to continue on. We hope these podcasts don’t add anything to someone’s pain, but give them hope for his healing.

  3. Thank you, Sara, for sharing your story. It is so much appreciated! Being a bit of an introvert myself, I know how hard it must be to be willing to put yourself out there. I want you to know it’s appreciated.

    I have a similar background, sexual abuse at a very young age (I’m guessing around 6 or so, but maybe I was younger when it started, until I left home at age 16 to move in with the man who would become my husband a year later.) I used to brush it off like it was no big deal, it happens to everyone, suck it up and carry on. What I didn’t know is what damage it had done to my brain, my way of thinking. I just assumed it was who I was. I’m in my 50’s now. About ten years ago things came to a head, and my marriage was on the line over it. Something had to change, because I had been taking my trauma brain out on my husband. Because of my sexual abuse coming from someone who should have protected me, I had a strong distrust of men, especially those closest to me. I had a hard time trusting my husband, my imagination would come up with all kinds of scary things I thought he was surely doing behind my back. It wore him down until he couldn’t take it anymore. At that moment when I thought my world was about to fall apart, I felt God whispering to me, showing me something from when I first met my husband and had challenged God to answer me if he and I were meant to be together to show me in no uncertain terms….which He answered in the most beautiful way…..I saw that scene play out in my mind, and then his question to me now was…”Do you still trust me with this?” It was as if He was saying, I’ve known about this future, this is what he was for, the answer to the question you asked of me back then is still valid right now, in this very moment. This man who is my husband was the right man to be there for me when I was about to process this trauma. So for the first time in my life, I let control go and let my hubby line things up. He called around and found a counselor for us…thinking what we needed was marriage counseling, neither of us had any idea it was stemming from my trauma. Only one person got back to him. She was a Christian counselor which he remarked afterwards that maybe it was providence. (My hubby isn’t religious or spiritual but sometimes is wiser than me in these things!) He went for a session, then I did. But as soon as the counselor started talking to me, she instantly picked up on what had happened to me in a passing comment I’d made about it. She stopped me and backed me up, and said “we need to talk about that”. I still wasn’t convinced it had anything to do with what was currently bothering me in life. But turns out she was a survivor herself, and she recognized it in me. What followed was a few sessions dealing with the trauma of surviving sexual abuse. It was horrible, I hated it, the memories. It made me angry, but, I knew inside it was necessary. I couldn’t afford to keep going to the sessions after awhile though (no insurance), and the week of my last session, my church played a video from Joyce Meyer. Talking about HER sexual abuse history. Things just clicked. I knew God lined this up for me, I’d never heard of her before that. So I spent a couple years learning from her and it was EXTREMELY helpful to me to process this, to understand and recognize what it had done to me, what part of my brain wasn’t really me and who I really am. I’ve since felt led to different teachers as I go along this journey and each new thing I learn helps heal a different layer of the trauma. At this current time what feels to be the only part left is anxiety. I’ve let go of control of so many things where I used to need to feel I knew every single thing about every single situation in order to feel safe and relaxed. I wouldn’t go back to how I was before for anything in the world, but being in uncharted territory is challenging in itself. Learning to trust Father to take care of me, and us, and those around me. Deep inside of me I know He will. It’ll eventually get itself from inside to outside I know. Trust the process! LOL Where did I hear that from? hahaha! I do appreciate Wayne and Brad and everyone else on this podcast over the years because whenever I would get anxious, it’s their gentleness in talking about Father’s affection that would help calm me. A lot of major and traumatic events have happened in my life in the past couple of years, unrelated to the abuse of course…just things like moving to my dream farm, finally having a horse, something I’ve always dreamed of as a kid…then my youngest child struggling getting in with the wrong crowd, causing a lot of stress and worries as a mom, “where did I fail him” kind of guilt. He’s doing better now, but the poor hubby is struggling now finding the right kind of job to keep him happy and non-stressed. (He just got laid off today in fact, but we should be okay.) My mother passed away last June rather unexpectedly quickly. She put up with a lot of BS in her lifetime so I’m sorta glad she’s found peace now but at the same time, I miss her. My father in law passed away this spring, so my hubby is having to process that as well. When it rains it pours! But I am certainly in a better place to handle it all NOW than I would have been ten years ago. Sure, there are days when I’d like to just run away from all the worries but I know the worries will be wherever I am, you can’t run away from them. Part of me can’t wait to “go home” and finally not have to worry about managing everything that’s necessary to live in this world. (bills, etc) But I know there’s much to be done here in this life yet and there’s plenty of time for “home” later on. 🙂

    Okay so now that I’ve written a novella, lol, I’ll conclude here. Thank you Wayne and Sara, for sharing your story. It brought me to tears in the first podcast because I felt the pain…I was in that place, so close to being in Wayne’s shoes and know what he would have been feeling. (Although I was the one with the trauma, clinging to my hubby to be my all in all to make me feel safe, while he was feeling worthless the way I would be so mistrusting of him.)

    • Hi Sheri. I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through and the stresses and strains it has caused in your marriage. More than once, Sara has referred to me not knowing what I was getting into when we married. But she has carried my weaknesses well, and now it is my turn to carry hers. I do believe God knew all this when he helped us fall in love with each other and that I was the right guy to walk this through with Sara. May God continue to give you all the grace and courage you need to keep moving forward into ever wider spaces of freedom and joy.

  4. Sara, you are a RockStar in my book. Your courage to share your story is so inspiring. Thank you, thank u.

  5. Cried all through the podcast. I really love you both. I know there’s trauma I’ve not dealt with, and maybe this is the Lord gently working in me?
    Thank you both. (And Kyle)

  6. All I want to say – Wayne & Sara is “Thank you!”
    I have never experienced trauma at this level but am SO aware of what could be going on in those around me!! ???

  7. I love that you are wanting to fly a kite, Sara! This is so delightful a place to be on your healing journey. Joy, playfulness, wonder.

    Bless you both. Thankyou both for sharing your hearts.

  8. As difficult as it may be to listen to this I’m so thankful that you two are willing to share it. I look forward to seeing the beauty created out of the chaos.

  9. I was deeply touched by hearing Sara. I could hear the pain, the suffering.
    I hardly dare to suggest another book, but Sara’s story made me think of another Sarah: the book Sarah by Sarah Shaw (Ellel ministries, Sovereign World). Maybe this book may help you as well, Sara. Thank you so much for your openness, honesty and courage. Thank you immensely.

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